Hi all, we’re off to the zoo today, lockdown be damned! Enjoy!
He hitched his belt up as far as it would go. Not much, as his belly pushed it down. Big Teddy Malone, 32 years in office and never had he had to come to a zoo before. It was going to be a tight race.
He hacked at the ribbon opening the snake enclosure. The smile on his face was painful as the cameras snapped photos. The thin glass didn’t feel like much protection.
He’d been voted in on a wave of anti-corruption sentiment. Said the right things. Hell, he’d even sent someone to jail! And he spoke like regular folks, so no one noticed he wasn’t as tough on crime as they’d been expecting. But he was Godfather to dozens of children around the parish and could have gone on for years. If that uptight lawyer hadn’t decided he could do better. There was a fine line between corruption and greasing business so it rolled better. Young people didn’t get it. Thought everything was black and white.
The knife was goddamn blunt, was what it was. He was still hacking at the stupid ribbon and the snakes had come over to see what was taking so long. They hissed not half a meter from his feet.
There was nothing mysterious about money disappearing. It was like the fees a bank charged. Everybody got a little bit, and they were all richer. And the town had a zoo with a new snake enclosure. Only one in this or any neighboring state. Good for the economy.
Goddamn it! He bent and bit the tape with his teeth, grinned at the cameras which had started snapping again: Big Ted in action! That’d be worth a few votes in September.
The brass band started playing, and he moved away from the enclosure, right into… Goddammit!
“Mr Malone, how are you doing?” Updike, the tight-ass, trying to muscle in on Malone’s photo session. Had his whole team with him. Someone from the sheriff’s office, too.
“Good, Bill. Glad to see you here for my opening. This is gonna mean a lot of tourist dollars for our community. Only enclosure in the nearest dozen states. That’s good business.”
“It’s a good idea, Ted, but we have to delay the opening. I’ve been looking—”
“Are you crazy? The folks around here need this. The economy’s been busted one with the recent crisis. Lot of people are out of work.” The crowd shouted agreement. Big Ted’s people. They’d come out to see him, they wouldn’t take this from the college guy.
“I agree, but money’s gone missing and—”
“Money’s gone missing! Well, isn’t that just your catchphrase? Seems like every time you turn up money’s gone missing, maybe you should stay home!”
That got a laugh from his followers. The sheriff wasn’t laughing, though.
“—safety features,” the pipsqueak continued.
“What’s that?” Big Ted put a hand around his ear as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re worried about safety features? You’re not scared of a few little snakes, are you?” Guffaws and catcalls. Someone shouted, “Snowflake!” Big Ted gritted his teeth and moved to the snake enclosure, tapping on the glass. “You guys okay in there? My friend is worried you aren’t safe.” His fans were whooping. One man had to wipe tears out of his eyes. The laughter was almost loud enough to drown out the brass band. No one could hear the snakes. Big Ted continued to playact in front of the glass. His skin crawled, but he knew they’d skimped on the air conditioning. And the cage. It was smaller than regulations, too, but the snakes weren’t complaining, were they? It was just the noise and the people that were agitating the snakes now.
“No way in hell can we open this to the public.”
“Too late, Billy. I already opened it. Ripped it open with my teeth!” That got a round of cheers.
“Come outside and let’s talk, Ted.” Bill was shouting now. He looked worried. Yeah, worried he was gonna get lynched. Ted smelled blood. Nothing easier than kicking a man when he was down. Eager to press home his advantage, he did something he wouldn’t have dared otherwise.
“I’d rather stay here with—”. He looked at his fans, a Big Ted zinger was coming, “These snakes.” He hit the glass. It shattered. Snakes spilled over him, biting and slithering. Riled from the noise and the heat and the crowds. There was panic as people tried to escape.
Bill was voted in in a landslide. If they hadn’t skimped on that snake enclosure. On the climate control. On the holding areas. On the size, none of this would have happened. If they’d at least put in real shatterproof safety glass instead of normal window glass….
