Flash fiction

we’re moving back to Berlin for a few years this summer.

Which means I need to find a job.

Just when my resume thought it could retire, it’ll need to work harder than ever before!

My last position as an employee was as a specialty building manager in Australia…

nine years ago.

While I’ve been busy with the books since then, I’m not yet sure how to parlay those skills into a job in the building industry.

“Morgan has almost a decade’s worth of experience building entire worlds in his books!”

And, as you know, I can walk and talk at the same time.

That’s going on the resume.

In my latest nonsense history video, I talk about the time American writer O. Henry was imprisoned for embezzlement at his job.

​A sentence which cost him his job and his Hogg…

I’m almost at 100 subscribers, so please keep sharing these videos with your friends!

Then tell me, what are your top job hunting tips?

Mine is:

Ignore the job requirements. If you like the sound of the role – and think you can do it – apply for it.

Chat soon,

Morgan

P.S. More Morgan? Get 2 of my books free here: morgandelaney.info/newsletter

I spent last week trying to get Nadine into one of Tbilisi’s famous sulphur baths with wine, cheese-bread, a cat and a dog.

You might think the cat and the dog would be the tricky part, but they weren’t.

The tricky part was not cutting my fingers off or glueing them together.

Because I was making a raree show for Nadine’s birthday.

(That’s what Wikipedia says they are. What a great word! Keep an eye out for it in an upcoming Alumière adventure.)

Mine was with Nadine, Manchee and Pudding cavorting in a steam bath with wine and Georgian cheese-bread!

I found the idea on the website of the Victoria and Albert Museum.

You basically cut out several layers of paper with different images and line them up behind each other to create a little scene.

Fiddly but fun.

​So, I’m passing it on, in case you’re handy with a craft knife and want to give it a go, too.

Otherwise, stick to the videos.

My latest is very educational, about where the phrase “ok” came from.

Needless to say, it involves one of my great-great-grandfathers, as well as newspapers, the Boston Irish, and stress-tested trousers.

​Check it out, then share the link with your friends!

Ok?

Chat soon,

Morgan

Sometimes you don’t know what to say.

Walking with Nadine to work yesterday, a young man, maybe 27, hurried past us as we crossed the bridge over the river.

It was raining, but he wore only a knitted cardigan and jeans with the bottoms turned up in a manner I personally haven’t seen since 1993.

I’d never make fun of someone for what they were wearing.

But I would make fun of someone for walking like they think they’re important.

His legs were moving fast, but the steps were short. He kept his knees turned out to the side so no one could sneak up on him from behind, and his arms swinging to distribute the smell of too much aftershave fairly.

Well.

Myself and Nadine shared amused glances. I can’t tell you what Nadine was thinking, but I was busy working on several absolute zingers for when he bosswalked out of earshot.

And then…

And then he bent over in front of us.

In the rain.

And picked up a lump of bread, about the size of an eyeball, which some previous pedestrian had dropped on the street.

We followed. We watched. We bated our breaths.

Arriving at the end of the bridge, he deposited the bit of bread on a wall and passed out of view and into legend.

My zingers turned to ash. He had left me with nothing to say.

I only had questions.

If you have any idea what the hell we witnessed, please let me know.

All I can think, is that perhaps – it’s a long shot – but perhaps Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter had aligned, and he was performing the Ritual of the Bread to ward off death and disaster.

Like on the 29th of March, 1345, when a similar planetary alignment caused the Black Death.

​Allegedly…​

And if you enjoy it, please perform the Ritual of Sharing It With a Friend to prevent more monkey business.

Chat soon,

Morgan

P.S. More Morgan? Get 2 of my books free here: morgandelaney.info/newsletter

one perk of being a writer is the writer’s salon.

Those evenings where us big-headed tweedy lads – and ladies – discuss matters of crucial import.

And at our last session, I brought us to a very interesting conclusion.

The topic was polar bears, inspired, amongst other things, by this German classic.

I queried the group whether we knew the colour of a polar bear’s poop.

In case you were unaware, it’s the usual colour, and this, I feel, is unacceptable.

Look. I don’t expect a panda bear to do black and white coloured business. That would be asking too much, but I must insist that polar bears poop whitely.

That’s a deal-breaker.

The Arctic is white.

Polar bears are white.

Polar bear poop should be white.

It’s no wonder the world is in the shocking state it’s in, if it can’t be bothered to make sure polar bear poop blends in with the background.

And from there, it’s but a short step to understanding why we keep lurching from one crisis to the next.

Back in the day, someone dropped the ball on the polar bears, and it’s all been downhill from there.

So next time you open up your newspaper, don’t get upset about all the bad news.

Just blame the bloody polar bears.

Although, to be fair, it was actually the teddy bears and their damn picnic that killed my great-great-great-great-grandfather, Smurfitt Delaney, that time he went to Sweden to see the king…

Chat soon,

Morgan

P.S. Does anybody know any good salons? I know a writer on the lookout for a new, less-judgmental one.

P.P.S. More Morgan? Get 2 of my books free here: morgandelaney.info/newsletter

Poe did more than just write fiction, you know.

He was one of America’s leading literary critics, as well as being interested in physics and cosmology.

And he was almost certainly the first man in America to use the CRISPR gene-editing technology.

Right? I couldn’t believe it at first either, but it says so on Wikipedia.

Look:

You see? First he became editor of the Journal, and then he became editor of its owner.

I found that while researching Poe again this week. I’d researched him before for my article revealing the secret of his “mysterious death.”

This week I examined the story behind his expulsion from West Point Military Academy.

A period in Poe’s life when his best friend, my great-great-great-grandfather, Macabre Delaney, had his eye on Poe…

If you haven’t seen it yet, check out my latest nonsense history short on YouTube here:

​Poe’s Secret Message Spells Death for his Best Friend.​

And like and subscribe to motivate me to make more, please.

It’s actually quite hard.

Don’t take my word for it. While reading Wilkie Collins’ The Queen of Hearts this week, I came across this great snippet:

See?

Chat soon,

Morgan

P.S. More Morgan? Get 2 of my books free here: morgandelaney.info/newsletter

Have you looked at a washing machine recently?

We’ll need a new one when we move countries, and the last one we bought was maybe in 2013 in Australia. So, at the weekend I spent an hour tentatively dipping my toe into the shopping pool to see how warm the water is, and

HOLY MOLY!

You can buy washing machines with AI now!

I was so excited. Imagine. A washing machine that’ll wander around the house picking up washing, sorting it into piles, washing it and hanging it up for us!

But when I read the description, I discovered that’s not what the AI feature does. It’s even better:

It gives you an app!

With real-time notifications on whether or not your wash cycle is done.

Wow.

How did I ever live without that?

And there’s more.

If there’s a fault, the app may help you troubleshoot the problem with no need to call a technician.

Although if not, you’ll probably need a technician and an IT specialist to fix the fault.

Mega-Wow!

At what point did technology stop being at all useful?

I’d like to know what you think, but I’ll start us off by saying sometime after 1933 and before, say, 2013?

1933 because that was the year King Kong came out, and when they were making it, everybody said, stick a man in a monkey suit. It’ll be fine. But producers Cooper & Schoedsack stood firm and went for stop-motion and all sorts of other cutting-edge tricks.

It’s why the film still ranks as one of the best ever made.

And while everyone knows what happened to Kong, few people remember the tragic events that led to the death of my great-great-great-grandfather, Mincer Delaney, on the night of the premiere.

If you haven’t seen it yet, then click here, where I – like Mincer – reveal all!

Chat soon,

Morgan

P.S. More Morgan? Get 2 of my books free here: morgandelaney.info/newsletter