Hi all, I’ll be honest, this one might be a bit too weird for some of you. But it’s short too. So: swings and roundabouts. Enjoy!
He popped another zinc tablet against the sniffles, but was fast coming to the conclusion that it was more like an allergy to Berlin. He hadn’t been able to shake off the running nose since moving. The dirty air.
He kept his lederhosen, in keeping with the local style he now had a tote bag as well, slung over one shoulder. He kept Evie in it: his inflatable sheep. He had to be careful she didn’t burst.
It was usually okay during the day when the city was mostly sober, but at night people shouted at him. Not always bad things: it was surprising how many offers he got to come around to someone’s house for a drink. Everyone wanted to take a selfie with him, but he didn’t like attention. He just wanted to be back in the countryside.
If it wasn’t for Evie, that’s where he’d be.
She’d seduced him and no mistake. He’d let himself be seduced. He was weak when it came to women.
When his doorbell rang at six in the morning, he knew who his visitor would be. Evie’s father barely fit in the hallway. He was with his eldest son. They had to let air out of each other before they could pass through the door. The ceilings were high, but the doors surprisingly narrow in some of these buildings.
“You know why we’re here,” said Pappa Baa-baa.
“I love her,” said Karl.
In the bedroom Evie listened to what was going on.
“It gives us no pleasure to do this,” said Pappa Baa-baa.
“I’m ready.” Karl wouldn’t struggle. He’d do it for Evie.
The eldest son—and Karl still didn’t know his name, wasn’t that silly?—brought him to Pappa and Karl took his lederhosen off. Pappa held Karl down. The eldest son looked at Karl. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But this is the only way you can be family.”
Karl had always wondered what the little nozzle was that hung out the front of him. When he drank too much piss came out, but he’d always felt it must have a purpose beyond that. This was it.
The eldest brother got on his sheepie knees, took the nozzle in his mouth, and started to blow. Karl’s stomach swelled, and Karl’s skin lifted off the bones, and he swelled and swelled, and the pain of his stretching skin was too much to bear, until Evie came and stroked his forehead to comfort him. His forehead squeaked.
Once Karl was full—almost as big as the eldest brother, and about two cubic metres smaller than Pappa—he tied the nozzle of the Karl balloon off, and they floated off together through the French windows, and over the balcony and away from Berlin to the mountains where they had come from.
