Outrageous

We get up close and personal in this week’s piece of flash fiction. Sorry!

---

The TV studio lights were too hot. After 20 minutes, the sweat on my forehead was ready to breach the make-up caked on my skin.

Finally, they allowed the audience to ask their questions, after which I could escape to the dark backstage.

A man in a loose, brown suit, one which no longer fit, accepted the microphone from a girl in a short skirt and blonde hair which fanned down her back.

When he cleared his throat, I knew I was in trouble.

“How did you get the idea for your book?” he asked.

I gave him the usual answer about finding inspiration everywhere.

“No,” he said. “It’s my idea. How did you get it? I never showed it to anyone.”

The audience laughed uncomfortably. The man held up a scuffed, dog-eared notebook with its pages bound by a black elastic ribbon. “It’s right here. At least admit you stole it.”

“Is this a joke?” I demanded of the show’s host. They’d promised me simple questions, that all the guests would be fans.

He gestured for me to give an answer, a circling motion with his hand that told me I was wasting time. The cameras were still rolling.

The audience whispered amongst themselves.

“This is outrageous,” I said. “How dare you? Have any of you even read my book?” I stood to storm out of the interview, and the whispering turned to disgusted cries.

I wasn’t wearing trousers, and dropped back onto the chair, covering my lap with the tails of my shirt, while the audience asked their questions.

How come I got to be on the show?

Why had the dog been put down?

Hadn’t I realised that Mr Powell, the maths teacher, was close to a nervous breakdown?

How could you, how could you, how could you?

In the morning, I wrote the questions down in my notebook with the loose brown cover so they couldn’t get out.

---

We watched The Greasy Strangler on Amazon Prime this week. It said, “Free with ads,” but there were no ads. We enjoyed it: when you make a film that’s too tasteless for even marketing executives, then you’re really onto something!

Altogether now: Hootie Tootie, Disco Cutie! Hootie Tootie, Disco Cutie! Hootie Tootie, Disco Cutie!