Morgan Delaney

Dark, strange and fantastic fiction

Flash fiction

The Tell

by

Bark peeling from a tree
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Hi all! Last week we went to the zoo, this week we’re off to the museum for our flash fiction journey. Enjoy!

“Late sixteenth century. Maybe early seventeenth.”
I kept my head down and continued brushing. It was weird. The plaster was old, but the mould was new. I’d seen it before: an old treasure stored in poor conditions. Stolen. The saint, his finger on the open Bible, his gaze towards the heavens, life-size, gave me the creeps. Almost as much as Steve.

I knew him from College. He’d done well, financially. He never had many friends, which is probably why he contacted me for this restoration job. Working his way through his contacts. I’d change my number as soon as I’d finished. Steve was just off. It didn’t surprise me at all that he’d “found” this statue. I was doing internet research in the evenings. If I could find out where it was stolen from I was going to call the police. It didn’t make sense to pretend I didn’t know what was going on. Once it came out it would make me look as corrupt or as clueless as Steve.

I felt his eyes on me. “How are you coming along, Penny?” He always stood too close. “What do you think? Isn’t she a beauty?”
“Surprisingly complete,” I said.
“Right.” He walked around the statue. “I nearly got Richard for this job, you know? Good man.”
“How is he?”
“Oh, he’s good, I suppose. He couldn’t make it, said to give you a call. But what I’m saying is: it’s easy enough to restore these old things. Finding them is the tricky part.”
“Where did you…?”
“That’d be telling! I told Richard….” He leaned in, his breath oniony. “So I had to kill him!” He laughed.

I couldn’t find anything about the statue. So that left one option. Steve had knocked out a forgery, aged it, then stuck it in damp storage to make it hard to tell “real” mould from fake mould. I came in early next morning to take photos and a scrape from the pedestal.
“You’re keen.” Steve was behind me.
“Steve! Hey…I’m just documenting the progress. Thought I might put it on my blog. You know: drum up trade.”
“You don’t have a blog.”
“I wanted to start one, this is just what I…”
“Don’t think so,” said Steve. He came closer. Onion breath. I backed away, bumped into the statue. It rocked, which meant it was definitely fake. An original life-size would be too heavy. Sketchy Steve had skimped on the filling, too.
“Wait, Steve!” He was big. And between me and the door. He lunged. I pushed the statue. I just wanted to put him off, make him dive at the statue instead of me. It toppled over and crashed. We both stared at the mess. Plaster had shattered across the museum’s floor.
And still half encased in it: Richard.
“Oh dear,” said Steve. “Looks like you’re going to have to fill in for Richard again!”

“Yeah,” said Steve. “I had to let her go. Caught her trying to move the statue. Cracked it and all. I had to take it away. Give it a full integrity test. You never know, these old statues can fall right apart.” He was interviewing restorers. “Yeah, it’s pretty old. Late sixteenth, early seventeenth century. I’ll be bringing it back next week.”
The other voice asked a question.
“Ha! That’d be telling. I told the last lady. Then I had to kill her!”

Have YOU ever been sealed in concrete? Or are YOU a restorer? Is YOUR name Steve?

Then get in touch, I just found something. Needs a bit of work but I’m sure it must be valuable…

Snakes Everywhere

by

Stone oriental snake-like dragon
Photo by Max Letek on Unsplash

Hi all, we’re off to the zoo today, lockdown be damned! Enjoy!

He hitched his belt up as far as it would go. Not much, as his belly pushed it down. Big Teddy Malone, 32 years in office and never had he had to come to a zoo before. It was going to be a tight race.

He hacked at the ribbon opening the snake enclosure. The smile on his face was painful as the cameras snapped photos. The thin glass didn’t feel like much protection.
He’d been voted in on a wave of anti-corruption sentiment. Said the right things. Hell, he’d even sent someone to jail! And he spoke like regular folks, so no one noticed he wasn’t as tough on crime as they’d been expecting. But he was Godfather to dozens of children around the parish and could have gone on for years. If that uptight lawyer hadn’t decided he could do better. There was a fine line between corruption and greasing business so it rolled better. Young people didn’t get it. Thought everything was black and white.

The knife was goddamn blunt, was what it was. He was still hacking at the stupid ribbon and the snakes had come over to see what was taking so long. They hissed not half a meter from his feet.

There was nothing mysterious about money disappearing. It was like the fees a bank charged. Everybody got a little bit, and they were all richer. And the town had a zoo with a new snake enclosure. Only one in this or any neighboring state. Good for the economy.
Goddamn it! He bent and bit the tape with his teeth, grinned at the cameras which had started snapping again: Big Ted in action! That’d be worth a few votes in September.
The brass band started playing, and he moved away from the enclosure, right into… Goddammit!
“Mr Malone, how are you doing?” Updike, the tight-ass, trying to muscle in on Malone’s photo session. Had his whole team with him. Someone from the sheriff’s office, too.
“Good, Bill. Glad to see you here for my opening. This is gonna mean a lot of tourist dollars for our community. Only enclosure in the nearest dozen states. That’s good business.”
“It’s a good idea, Ted, but we have to delay the opening. I’ve been looking—”
“Are you crazy? The folks around here need this. The economy’s been busted one with the recent crisis. Lot of people are out of work.” The crowd shouted agreement. Big Ted’s people. They’d come out to see him, they wouldn’t take this from the college guy.
“I agree, but money’s gone missing and—”
“Money’s gone missing! Well, isn’t that just your catchphrase? Seems like every time you turn up money’s gone missing, maybe you should stay home!”
That got a laugh from his followers. The sheriff wasn’t laughing, though.
“—safety features,” the pipsqueak continued.
“What’s that?” Big Ted put a hand around his ear as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re worried about safety features? You’re not scared of a few little snakes, are you?” Guffaws and catcalls. Someone shouted, “Snowflake!” Big Ted gritted his teeth and moved to the snake enclosure, tapping on the glass. “You guys okay in there? My friend is worried you aren’t safe.” His fans were whooping. One man had to wipe tears out of his eyes. The laughter was almost loud enough to drown out the brass band. No one could hear the snakes. Big Ted continued to playact in front of the glass. His skin crawled, but he knew they’d skimped on the air conditioning. And the cage. It was smaller than regulations, too, but the snakes weren’t complaining, were they? It was just the noise and the people that were agitating the snakes now.
“No way in hell can we open this to the public.”
“Too late, Billy. I already opened it. Ripped it open with my teeth!” That got a round of cheers.
“Come outside and let’s talk, Ted.” Bill was shouting now. He looked worried. Yeah, worried he was gonna get lynched. Ted smelled blood. Nothing easier than kicking a man when he was down. Eager to press home his advantage, he did something he wouldn’t have dared otherwise.
“I’d rather stay here with—”. He looked at his fans, a Big Ted zinger was coming, “These snakes.” He hit the glass. It shattered. Snakes spilled over him, biting and slithering. Riled from the noise and the heat and the crowds. There was panic as people tried to escape.

Bill was voted in in a landslide. If they hadn’t skimped on that snake enclosure. On the climate control. On the holding areas. On the size, none of this would have happened. If they’d at least put in real shatterproof safety glass instead of normal window glass….

Tiger

by

Church under the stars
Photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski on Unsplash

Hi all,

here’s this week’s fix for all you flash fiction junkies. This week I challenged myself to write a cosmic horror story about an astronomer at home (that’s it in the picture, above). Enjoy!

‘Into bed now.’ He tucked my blankets too tight around me. His eyes were unfocussed. He lived on the stars he observed. It was hard for him to come back home. 
‘Goodnight, Grandfather,’ I said. He looked quite mad.
That’s what everyone said when we drove into Noerdelstett in his ancient car. 
He had discovered comets and suns. Had planets named after him in the past. Now he smiled when people asked him what was out there.
It was the music that turned everyone against him. I could hear it now. Strange, but I could hear the melody in it. Different, otherworldly. I had heard whale-song. This was like that. But the sounds were high and bright, like shards of comet ice breaking off. Beautiful. It scared me: I knew he had no radio, no record player. It took all my resolve to get out of bed. 
They said he danced around naked at night, like a witch. The great man gone insane. I would show them his notebooks and re-claim his name. I wanted to be like him one day. He explored the depths of space where no man could go, where most men couldn’t understand the distances involved and they dared to call him mad? His mind was on higher things. 
The carpet felt sharp under my feet as I crept towards the staircase: The music heightened my senses. The draught from under his room sighed. The warm hallway felt claustrophobic, thick air resting on me, pushing me down where I stood. 
The music made my ears ring and I almost fell. Gravity shifted, and I clung to the bannisters, moved slowly. The second step from the bottom creaked. The music was louder even as it seemed the ground was upside down, the laws of physics being sucked out through my Grandfather’s telescope, spewed into the sun of a distant galaxy. I made it to his study and pushed the door open. 
He stood naked, holding his telescope in front of him. Plugging the small end with himself. Through the top, a stream of viscous juice flowed into the heavens and… he sang. My Grandfather, making love to his telescope and the stars leaning in close. The atmosphere was thin here and galloping along his sputtering rope of seed… something. A tiger? Its head was huge and tentacled. Its stripes were the suns and the vast wastes between them. It could see him. See us. My grandfather sang to it, called it, his buttocks quivering as he poured a path into the cosmos to guide it. He was quite mad. And as I watched it approach, tearing holes in space, so was I.

Material

by

A canopy of yellow lights
Photo by Steven Aguilar on Unsplash

Hi all,

hope you enjoy this week’s story. Please get in touch if you were able to guess the ending in advance: I’ll start ’em, you finish ’em!

I lit a cigarette, let the smoke curl around my face, like demonic breath. Gary had a vape. His hair was short and sandy and he sucked on his vape like he needed it. That was what made me think of him as fat. I smoked when I was bored.
We were best friends. No one else could stomach us.

He was filming, and I flicked cigarette ash out the window. We had parked near the sports track at school. Bad idea. We were both in our twenties. Two older guys hanging around the track, where sometimes girls went running or jogging in shorts. But Gary wasn’t interested in that. Parents and boyfriends and teachers came and said hello in a way that made clear that, as soon as they had figured out what we were doing, there was going to be police involved. There was no one on the track now. The mist had come in early like it does here in September. It was only starting to get dark, the edge of the trees murky, but the field was clear as anything.
‘Watch the smoke, man,’ said Gary.
I flicked the butt out the window rather than argue with him. I didn’t have the stomach for it. The track was empty now but Rosie had been running earlier and I felt sad. She was in her final year and she looked so good. Lovely and kind and those jogging pants were tight but I would have liked to take her home, look after her. I’d say: look after her like a cat or something. But that sounds weird. I just would have liked to be around her, is what I mean. It was a dull ache in my stomach. Me and Gary in my van while he tried to film ghosts for our YouTube channel.
I stared out the window, imagining I was back at my flat with Rosie. We were talking about moving somewhere nicer and she smiled at me, her hair in a ponytail because she was going out jogging. In pretty much all my daydreams she’s either going jogging or coming back from jogging. Gary sucked on his vape and the smile evaporated in the gurgle it made. He really sucked, you know?

It was dark now, so I switched on the headlights, turned the car around. I drove through town, down Main Street, past Church Street and around to Willow Lane. Pulled in. Gary started talking as I put the key in the door. Excited about his footage. He darted inside, straight to the computer. I made us toasted sandwiches. He came out when it was ready.
‘Thanks, man,’ he said. He lifted one slice of bread. Squirted ketchup onto the coagulating cheese, then went back to munching. I put on music. No TV till we’d eaten. I was sick of cleaning the crumbs out of the sofa and Gary never noticed them. He was waiting with the remote control when I joined him.
I suppose I’m more of a dog person, really.

My usual writing prompt rules applied and the prompts were the featured picture and the below six words.

Yes, I missed one.

No. You tell me which!

material
demonic
murky
stomach
lovely
tendency

Soup

by

A toy monkey, facing away from the viewer
Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash

‘Delicious!’ I said. Everyone smiled and nodded.
Next was the green soup. Green: health and children. It tasted like grass with seaweed. Which is probably what it was. ‘Mmmh! I like this one, too.’ More smiling and nodding. And a pain in my stomach.
Another soup. There were ‘bits’ in it. Sesame seeds, perhaps, or slivers of snail shell. Five pieces, I counted them. The soup was orange. Was that long life or good hearing? I couldn’t remember. I got another round of smiles when I smacked my lips. The taste was harsh, there was a lot of spice in it. Too much turmeric. Cauliflower and turmeric.
The soups kept coming. I had a blue one. Interesting, but without any detectable taste. Perhaps a shot of cuttlefish ink? Then there was a red one and a purple one. There was no mistaking the meaning of the purple soup. Even if I had been too dense to get it, I would not have been able to ignore the grins of my hosts. It tasted meaty. Mushroom, I decided. Mushroom with beetroot colouring. There was one which was white with a swirl of pink: milk with rose petal. It eased hardship in old age. Brown soup with sparkles: Obedient grandchildren. Another orange. Strength. Carrots and lentils and enough chilli to burn my mouth. I couldn’t taste the next four, the yellow, the pink, the light blue. And the taupe: Thick, full hair or distinguished baldness, depending on gender.
The soups were getting thicker, and though the bowls were tiny, there had been a lot of them. By the time the black one arrived, I was mute in a food coma. I could move my spoon, but that was it. I had to dig into the black one with my spoon. It wobbled. I looked at it uncertainly. Some people like black food. I never have. Not since I saw The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. I sniffed. It smelled sweet, slightly fruity. Like an unripe orange, but without the acidity. I goggled at it. What did black mean? I was too full to fit the whole spoon into my mouth.
I nodded. Carefully so I wouldn’t spill. My hosts smiled at me. What a terrible job. They must be starving. I chewed my ‘soup’ and tried to think. Black. What could it be? It seemed like I’d eaten soups for everything from health to wealth to ingrowing toenails.
I swallowed and my hosts took out their spoons.
Black.
Of course. Payment.

The prompts were:

Soup
harsh
ignore
detect
mute
payment

The two worst sentences in this piece (in my opinion) are, in order:

  1. Even if I had been too dense to get it, I would not have been able to ignore the grins of my hosts.
  2. By the time the black one arrived, I was mute in a food coma.

I can’t see any way to save Sentence 1 in accordance with my writing prompt rules. Ideally it should be cut completely but then I’d lose my writing prompt word. I was able to perform some cosmetic surgery on Sentence 2 but in an ideal world the sentence would just read ‘…arrived, I was in a food coma.’

What do you think? Can you think of anything I could have done to improve these sentences, without losing the prompt words and in accordance with my writing prompt rules (no changes except for typos, punctuation and deleting)?

Oddjob

by

Orange van with a white roof
Photo by Oleksii S on Unsplash

Hi all,

this week’s flash fiction is based on a news article. Read on after the piece for a link to the article and to find out why I needed to write a story about it.

He couldn’t choose. The machete or the brush? 
Steve kept smacking his lips after every sip of coffee. It sounded like the machete slicing into skin. He chose the brush. ‘Mate!’ said Steve. ‘Not nervous, are you?’ They were in Steve’s rust-orange van. The light went off in the house they were watching. ‘This is it,’ said Steve. 
They got out quietly. Walked around the back of the house. Birds were singing, drowning out the rasp of Bill’s breath. He didn’t like this. But he needed the money. They crouched at the back door and pulled stockings over their heads. The material was cool for one second, then warm. Bill was already sweating.
Steve pulled at the back door handle. It opened, and he slipped inside. Bill followed. The house smelled of air freshener and deodorant. He could hear a shower running upstairs. Steve motioned him to the living room. They sat on the leather couch. 
‘You know what to say?’
Bill nodded.
‘Mate?’ Steve sounded tense. 
‘I know: “You’ve been asking for this for a long time. I saw—”’
‘Seen’
‘”—seen the way you’ve been looking at me.” Et cetera.’
‘Good. Here.’ Steve went over to Bill. Tugged his stocking. ‘There was a bit sticking up, mate. Made you look like a condom.’
Bill smiled, then a laugh escaped him. ‘Well, I wanna be safe, don’t I?’
‘Yeah.’ Steve was laughing, too. ‘You don’t know where this dirty bugger’s been!’
The water stopped running and they stifled their laughter. Bill leaned back. They were being paid $1000 for a Tickle Home Invasion. Steve was to threaten the guy with the machete until he stripped. Then Bill would tie him up and tickle him with the bristles of the broom. Brand new from Bunnings. 
‘He doesn’t half take his time, does he?’ said Bill.
‘He wants to look good for you.’
The bathroom door opened. Footsteps creaked across the floorboards of the Victorian building to the bedroom. 
’10 minutes,’ said Steve. ‘Let him get his money’s worth of anticipation.’
‘I’d love a ciggie,’ said Bill.
‘Have one after,’ said Steve and they started giggling again.
‘Hello?’ The voice came from upstairs. ‘Is there someone there?’
They stopped laughing. Birds outside. The guy worked night-shift, was getting read for bed. Just wanted a little something to give himself sweet dreams.
Steve’s phone vibrated. The noise was immense in the strange room. ‘Mate,’ said Steve, showing Bill his phone. ‘We got you.’
Bill looked at the text: ‘Happy Birthday, Darling!’
Steve tugged the brush. Bill let it go. Over his shoulder Bill saw a figure on the stairs with another brush. 
‘Strip, mate!’ said Steve.
‘No, please!’ said Bill, but he was already tugging his shirt over his head.

The BBC featured an article on two guys hired for a home invasion, which went wrong. After reading it I knew I would have to write about it. It’s not the titillating nature of the home invasion which grabbed my attention but the questions the article raised:

“He was willing to pay A$5,000 if it was ‘really good’,”  – How does this work? Is there a baseline minimum for the callout and then a bonus depending on how good it is? Who decides (and what are the criteria) to fairly determine how good is good enough to get the $5K? What if the client decides it was bad and the contractor (who has a machete…) decides it was good?

“the client moved to another address 50km (30 miles) away without updating the two men” – How do you forget an appointment with a man with a machete? Which is costing you up to $5,000? How long in advance do you need to arrange this sort of thing? (#AskingForAFriend)

The 2 men therefore go into the wrong house where ” the resident … assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee.” – At 6:15 in the morning. We lived in Australia for four years so I know that people there get up disgracefully early but still. A friend who comes by to make coffee at 6:15 every morning? Okay. Hands up everyone who has a friend who pops by to make coffee while you’re still in bed? Exactly.

“one of the pair said, “Sorry, mate”, and …[t]he two men then drove to the correct address,” – How come they now have the correct address? What’s going on?

“the client noticed one man had a “great big knife” in his trousers” – you’re expecting me to make a joke about this. No. Shame on you.

“The client then cooked bacon, eggs and noodles, and a short time later, the police arrived at the property” – ignore the second bit for now. Never mind who called the police and how they knew where to find the two men. We’re concentrating on the first part of this sentence.

Picture the scene: you’re in bed. The doorbell rings. You get up. Could it be…? Oh, shit! No, it can’t be them because you forget to tell them you’ve moved house. But it is them. They look a bit worried.

‘What’s up, guys?’ you ask.

‘We broke into the wrong house. I shook the guy’s hand but he got a bit of a fright.’

‘Right, yeah, I forgot to text you.’

‘Don’t worry about it. It is what it is.’

‘You’re probably not in the mood to tie me up and tickle me right now though?’

‘Nah, mate. Sorry. I just thought we’d sit here for a bit in case the police happen by to arrest us.’

‘Hey! How, actually, did you know where to find–‘

‘Sorry, mate. I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Fair enough.’ The three men sit in silence. It’s hard to say who is most embarrassed by the mix-up. ‘Would you like some breakfast then?’

‘Oooh! Yes, please!’

So my completely fictional version of events, which contains imaginary characters (any resemblance to actual persons, whether, living, dead, tickled or otherwise is purely coincidental) was an attempt to work out a version of events which might actually make sense to me.

Actually, that’s what all my writing is about.