I’ve written 27,989 of the 50,000 words I need to complete NaNoWriMo.
I’m pretty pleased with the way it’s going so far: silliness abounds!
(It’s an Alumière story, so that’s good.)
The only other thing that happened recently, is that the batteries for our doorbell ran out this week. We should replace them.
We should…
Speaking of which, please heed this week’s important safety tips on what to do if someone comes to visit you.
Below that, a controversial claim about cheese.
Tuck in!
Killer List: 10 Warning Signs Your Neighbours Are Serial Killers
- You love your new neighbours, they’re so friendly. Your friends don’t love them. They think they’re “off.” Mind you, your friends hardly ever visit anymore, so who’s really “off” now?
- You couldn’t say for sure, but perhaps there were fewer “lost dog” or “have you seen my cat?” posters in the neighbourhood before they moved in. But who has time to worry about pets, with all these people going missing.
- You made a joke about them being psychic. It’s always after a big storm, when they’ve pumped up their stereo to drown out the sound of the thunder, that the newspaper has some terrible new headline the next day. Awful stuff. Yes, you suppose the victims do look a bit like you.
You’ll keep your jokes to yourself in the future, though. They didn’t find it funny. - They’ve been practising that play for months now, but they’re still not sure when they’ll suggest the Amateur Dramatics Society puts it on. Shame. With all the shouting, and crying, and screaming, it sounds a lot more exciting than the usual AmDram fare.
“It’s got to be perfect,” they said.
“Like your eyes,” he said, stroking your cheek.
“Like my father’s eyes.” She stroked your other cheek. Okay, so they’re weird, but not “off”. - Well, call them eccentric. Everyone else in the neighbourhood thinks it’s funny, and that the three of you are in it together.
Ever since they started wearing the same clothes as you and got their hair cut to match. Funny. - And they’ll wait forever for you to answer the door. You won’t do it, though, not this time. It’s three o’clock in the morning, you have to getup early for work, and they’re soaking wet from the storm raging outside. You don’t want them dripping over your carpet!
You can’t sleep with them out there either, though. They warned you not to get one of those door cameras, claiming burglars prefer to target houses with them, so you didn’t dare admit to setting up a little webcam through the window for peace of mind.
You can’t stop watching them on the monitor, they’re just grinning at each other. - You swapped keys with them when they moved in, “for emergencies”. Now, you’re terrified to ask for your keys back.
You’re even more terrified that one day you might need to go into their house for some emergency and they’ll come back and think you were “snooping around.” - “Changing the locks, eh?” he asked, and it sounded like a death sentence. You don’t ask them to take a pair “for emergencies” this time, and he doesn’t ask.
Why doesn’t he ask? - And how come they never have visitors, if they’re so damn friendly?
There’s only ever the two of them in that big house. It reminds you that you used to have friends, and you call to see if any of them are free.
All the calls go to voicemail, like your friends have disappeared off together somewhere. - They put GHB or something in your sugar. You don’t eat much sugar.
God knows how long it’s been in there. It’s only because the weather was so wintry outside.
Your mom used to do that: when the leaves started falling from the trees, she’d add sugar to her coffee, for “winter fat”.
Drinking the coffee was the last thing you remember before you woke up here in your neighbours’ cellar. It looks like they needed a captive audience for their play, because you’re strapped into your seat.
What I Discovered This Week
Research!
While doing some crucial research for my current project, I came across the ridiculous claim that “… a ‘grilled cheese sandwich’ is a classic sandwich… enjoyed… since the Great Depression.”
Cynical though I am, I couldn’t believe it took humanity at least 167 years (the sandwich was invented in 1762 at the latest, and the Great Depression started in 1929), before its collective imagination dared to dream of such a thing as “a warm sandwich”.
A bit more research rewarded my faith.
What the badly phrased article was trying to say, is that they only became known as “grilled cheese sandwiches” after the Great Depression, incorporating processed cheese and sliced (processed) bread.
Before that they were called “tostados” or “cheese toasties”.
Don’t ask me what people found depressing about that.
(Excerpted from my newsletter dated 12th November, 2022. Sign up for the full, up-to-date experience!)
