A list of words I misspelled while writing stories, which I am loathe to waste.
Last update: 24 July 2021
Addresss, n. (zool.)
The exact location of a snake’s nest or den.
Aropund, n.
An inexact unit of weight. Equal – very roughly – to between 200 – 654 grams.
Beeter, adj.
A shiny red, like the cheeks* of a man singing joyously and enthusiastically in a choir.
*Usually: of the face.
Bocket, n.
The collective noun for the assorted items to be found in a certain type of pocket. Hence, a girl’s bocket, a sailor’s bocket, a lion-tamer’s bocket, etc.
Bocome, v.
To talk without conviction about one’s plans for the future.
Brioefing, n.
Any summary of bread products.
Bumb, n.
A posterior without feeling.
Burgral, n.
The plumbing required when one wishes to incorporate a water feature into one’s moat.
Carfeul, n.
The glossier and more enthusiastic car magazines.
Casuse, n.
An alcoholic drink made from fermented blackberries, popular in the better class of mediteranean prison.
Ceratinly, interj.
Used by the Irish to signify strong disagreement while avoiding the gauche practice of contradicting you.
Chave, v.
To desire sportswear.
Circket, n.
A game like cricket, but not actually cricket. Usually played when everybody is sick of playing bloody cricket.
Clithe, v.
To try on large amounts of clothes in a shop knowing that:
a) one can afford to buy all of them, or;
b) one has no intention of buying any of them.
Coffe, n.
A protective metal skullcap worn when visiting disreputable cafes.
Cointinue, v.
To proceed against one’s own best interests.
Communibicate, v.
To split a message across 2 social media channels
Consumatte, adj.
Competent but uninspiring
Coulds, n. pl.
Things a cow does not chew despite ability and opportunity to do so.
Cught, n.
A heavy waxed raincoat worn while traveling to drink whiskey.
Custume, n.
A suit of clothes made of eggs, milk, sugar, and vanilla or nutmeg (optional). Commonly worn when hunting Christmas puddings.
Dafety, n.
A crisp smooth fabric with a light sheen and which can be worn safely at all times.
Dhop, n.
That part of heavy furniture designed to cause pain. Toe or “stub” dhops are usually located around the legs or base. Elbow or “funny bone” dhops are built into the upper edges and handles.
Dunious, adj.
Undecided as to whether that small building is a shed or an outhouse
Expext, v.
To realise that someone standing close to you is about to spit.
Fantasz, interj.
Slang, used to express approval of anything fashionable.
Fattoning, v.
After a lamb has been roughly shorn: to kiss its cuts and scratches.
Fithy, adj.
Arousing no more than half a suspicion that something is going on.
Fornt, v.
Very brief intercourse
Forwad, n.
A football player whose shorts are too tight.
Frnac, n.
A snack or food that tastes better because the wrapping depicts a mustachio-ed chef, the Eiffel tower or says “Le Bon…”. For example “Le Bon Pasteurized Powdered Egg Formula. C’est delicieux!”
Fugure, n.
A result of difficult calculation.
Graduaste, v.
To work extremely hard on a goal which is not worth the effort. For example, “Michael practised four hours every day over the course of ten years, until he had graduasted to fitting 23 ping-pong balls in his mouth.”
Heacy, adj.
A tobacco pouch with an extra pocket made of permeable material in which to place pieces of apple or lettuce.
Hinest, adj.
Abominably honest. Someone who will provide you with an unwanted critique of your new hairstyle, trousers or partner.
Hium, n.
A noise indicative of pleasurable anticipation, usually made while alone.
Housewrok, n.
Music by Aerosmith, Europe, Foreigner, Journey or Whitesnake, suitable for performing household chores.
Impirtant, n.
Unguent with lingonberry, used to dislodge mythological beings from one’s hair. Many imaginary creatures are allergic to lingonberry oil, which can cause severe itching of their non-existent skin.
Insit, v.
To asseverate that one may rest on one’s laurels.
Also figurative: to asseverate that one may rest on one’s laurels (so to speak).
Inverstigate, v.
To make inquiries into a case of poetic justice
Llater, interj.
An expression of parting used in conjunction with two “fingers guns” to signal one’s confidence in the certainty of a felicitous reunion.
Luandry, v. n.
(Verb) To suffer indecision as to how to resolve a predicament, where the costs and benefits of any solution are equally negligible. For example, whether to wash all the dirty clothes, including what one is wearing, or except for what one is currently wearing.
(Noun) A nuisance bagatelle decision, where the mental energy involved in making a decision far outweighs the benefit of that decision.
Maage, v.
To wash one’s hands properly and with soap.
Miscontrue, v.
To come to the correct conclusion despite a garbled understanding of the information.
Mise, v
To search for a postiori “proof” of an argument one has already lost.
Moing, n.
Claimed to be the sound of a cow on a pogo stick. (Still requires verification from reputable sources.)
Moint, adj., n.
When only a tiny portion, or a single constituent part of an object is damp.
Someone who licks the nib of a pen or pencil.
Mulff, v.
To expressively shape something through normal use.
For example, a good night’s sleep might mulff a pillow into something resembling a lopsided fluffy cloud, or lump of delicious ice cream with a scoop taken out, while a bad night’s sleep might mulff it into the shape of a baby polar bear’s distraught, flattened corpse.
Noght, n.
After getting lost on safari the conviction that there definitely is something getting closer. And closer. Closer…
Noptice, v.
To fail to notice something.
Nore, adj.
Incompetent crime fiction which palls after the first five minutes.
Oinvolve, v.
To require the use of pigs for a successful outcome.
Perosnage, n. (Australian)
Someone who can be relied upon to bring sausages to a barbecue
Potto, n.
The largest “copper” denomination of any currency, e.g. 5 Euro cent, 2 British pence, 1 American cent.
Poular, n.
Cold chicken.
Proerty, n.
The hyperbolic overdescription which forms an inevitable part of any real estate advertisement.
For example, of a a small basement bedsit: “This unique bijou open-plan pieda-terre allows the proud owner to encompass the entirety of his/her domain simply by turning around, without the inconvenience of needing to open doors, while the architect’s conception of a “Fully Separate Inside & Outside” perfectly captures today’s Zeitgeist: this exclusive piece of real estate completely eschews windows to guarantee data privacy. Your imagination is the only limit on how to fully exploit the advantages of this one-of-a-kind 8m² gem!
Propohecy, v.
To choose to believe that something will not succeed so as not to forego the pleasure of saying “I told you so” if one is proven right.
Quie, n.
The noise a kitten makes when held too tightly.
Quiten, v.
To silently make or become even more so.
Recobise, v:
To see what you expect to see.
Reggret, n.
Rastafarian regret. As in: “I and I am sorry!”
Saew, n.
A term which refers to the type of film which used to be called “video nasties”. A portmanteau word from “Saw” (film franchise) and “Eew!”
Salor, n.
A “dry” sailor. One who enjoys the uniform but refuses to get on a boat (because ‘i’ won’t go).
Scole, v.
A grimace made at the thought of returning to school.
Seped, adj.
Dampness, as of a worn sock.
Shoolgirl, n. archaic.
A cobbler’s female apprentice.
Shovere, n.
The uncomfortable feeling that comes with the conviction that the sock on your right foot is actually a “left” sock.
Sleve, n.
An abbreviated sleeve. As on a t-shirt, for example.
Spomeone, n.
A savoury blancmange from Italy.
Spulled, n.
The irritation caused by losing an argument to a hypocrite.
Sumberge, n.
The yellow glow of a loved one’s skin when you hold a buttercup under their chin.
Swip, n.
An amount equivalent to a mouthful of sherry.
Takyou, n.
Grey or skin-coloured seaweed.
Tasier, v.
To break thin porcelain by snapping pieces off between one’s fingers.
Thuinp ,n.
The disappointing noise made by rapping (with the knuckles) on a root vegetable
Togther,adv.
VERY close together, to share a duvet.
Tructh, v.
To nod one’s head in acknowledgement of one’s own wisdom.
Two many, adv.
Not really that many after all.
Undersatand, adj.
Highly qualified to play devil’s advocate
Unintgerested, adj.
A lack of curiosity regarding Germany. Example: “Apart from Rammstein concerts, Archibald is rather unintgerested.”
Utt, v.
To tap a dog’s tail when it is not looking.
Walllet, n.
A yuppies thick bill-fold.
Yelllow, v.
To feel passionate about rainbows.
